So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This gyro tastes like lonliness
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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