He felt like a one man threesome
He passed out mid-signature
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize