Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
