u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
