the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
