and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
