I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
