when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
