i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
me + whiskey = a bad person
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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