Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
