Kiss
Puke
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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