There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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