Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
