Umm I'm too high to move.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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