she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
