there's paper in my vomit.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
