I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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