SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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