Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
