his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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