Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
