My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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