I wish you could order shots online.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
