I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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