he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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