Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
vagina is talking i cant
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize