we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
