I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
