We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
