she looked like the before picture.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
