So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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