whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
