Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
