I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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