Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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