this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
