It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
