Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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