I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My balls are so social today.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
