I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
