I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
