How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
