so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
