OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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