we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
