Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
