No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
