just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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