if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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