yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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