Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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