I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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