so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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