It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
