my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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