I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
