So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
