Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
