"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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