my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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