The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
