Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
