stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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