you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
