I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
