You're my little dorito
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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