That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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