was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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