he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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