my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
