just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
