youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
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No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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