the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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