is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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