but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
